Tears of Oy

Our Lulu turned six months old today and we have yet to enter the Solids Zone. Well, actually I've been avoiding the topic altogether... Been so content just breastfeeding her- it's so simple (New Mommies Alert: It's NEVER simple in the beginning. Once you cross the tough beginning, you will like it. I promise), so enjoyable and takes no preparation; we also don't have a high chair yet, not to mention those little teaspoons and who wants to deal with all the clean up, right? I'll start researching best utensils and chairs for Lulu once I'm ready, I've been telling myself. No rush. We can wait a few weeks... a month, right?...Right? Righhhhhttttt?? 
Wrong. 
As of yesterday, Mama's learned that she was wrong. Let's not call it wrong. Let's call it a little delusional?....We stopped by Nourishing Wisdom for Mom and Baby for some, well, nourishing wisdom for mom (intoxicatingly sublime, organic, raw Raaka chocolate...goes well with half a glass of mommy juice) and baby (Baltic Amber necklace for Lulu's teething pain. Yes, nobody's been getting much sleep the last few nights.) While discussing Lulu's six month birthday, Rebecca starts challenging my decision to block my ears and say "lalalalala" every time Solids are mentioned.

One moment I'm listening to her talking about sweet potatoes and avocado and the next I'm starting to cry. What's with the tears? What's happening? Whatever it is, of course I find myself arguing...Breast is best! (But developmentally, babies need complementary food starting at six months)....Can't I just wait till I complete high chair research? (No) What about other research?? I'm gonna need some time to select first food, and second and third, and learn how the Beaba works.... (Too bad, you need to hustle, since apparently there's a window for action). 

Wait!!! I need time...time...I need more time to enjoy the magic of being her only source of nutrition...we've been doing this for 15 months....I'm not ready for her to grow up just yet.
WHAT did I just say? Have I really just uttered these words? Oy. Oy. Oy. I did. It seems like it was yesterday when Lulu made me a mother and here I am, already dealing with My-Baby-Doesn't-Need-Me-Anymore Syndrome. Our parenting style focuses a lot on encouraging independence, trust, courage, curiosity and yet I've just majorly contradicted myself. Why can't I help it? What's the matter with me? Why are thoughts of her leaving the nest are floating in my brain? Is this a side effect of sleep deprivation?

No, says my mom. Yes, MY mom. Time to share with you that my superwoman mom is staying with us this month, soaking some Lulu love and helping tremendously along the way. Mom is sitting on Rebecca's couch with Lulu in one arm. She smilingly extends her other arm to hug me tight, and then shares with me how natural this feeling is and how we all want our babies to grow up and eventually leave our nest, but at the same time it does make us a little, just a little sad. But it's okay to feel how I feel. And then Grandma says what grandmas say: "there will be others, remember that."

My crying yesterday caught me off-guard. I felt like it came out of nowhere but learned that it didn't. I also learned that it's okay to feel this way and express it, and I even learned that I'm ready to take the plunge tomorrow because after all, in addition to the immense love and support I'm blessed with, I still possess some level of logic, and you know what? I even started fantasizing about Lulu playing with her food during family meals. Oh, and actually I'm going to hold off on the Beaba and simply mash Lulu's first non-breastmilk meal the good old-fashioned way.

Will report soon from the battlefield.

Happy Six Month Birthday to my marvelous baby! Thank you for making me your mother! I am so lucky and sooooo honored!