Welcome to Motherhood: Who Am I? Is Liat Coming Back?

I planned on waiting till I get a few nights of good old uninterrupted sleep to produce my first Mama post, but Lulu (stage name) is almost 6 months old, and even though my sleep deprivation is affecting me in ways I don't care to admit, my blog is demanding to be born...

I never thought it would take me so long to start writing again, or to start doing anything again (sleeping?...) for that matter. I never thought a lot of things before I became a mother.  But here I am, asking myself, When I will start doing ALL of the old things again, and when I do, will it instantly feel like the old me is back?

So I'm writing...Hello World. This is supposed to be what people call a Mommy Blog. Old Liat used to blog, so a Mommy Blog makes sense, especially since I have so much to say...I do. But you see, the words don't flow out of me the way they used to, and my writing style is rather elusive in my scattered brain. Welcome to Mommy Brain. You thought you had it when you were pregnant, but you're in for a treat that tastes like shit. My warm advice is to learn how to laugh at it. Otherwise, it will destroy you...

I notice this is not even my writing style. Or any writing style. Mommy Blog. Focus. Someone told me to just start writing and write every day, anything. Just write. But just like that? My severe case of mommy brain does not give me the luxury of trusting that my words will be appealing to anyone. See what I mean? This last sentence....time to open Syntax for Dummies?

Just...please don't leave yet, okay?...It's my first time. My clear thoughts and ideas will have to start challenging my dusty brain very soon, reminding it who it used to be. I've been trying to figure out who I am, who I have become, and whether time will bring the old Liat back. Yes, it's that extreme. And I'm not resisting. I'm consumed by my Motherhood, but all I really did was just open myself up to this incredible new world. Have I gone too far? Is it time to seek balance? 

I'm not a big fan of cliches but bear with me here - NO ONE can prepare you for motherhood. It's a new territory on so many levels, you might as well open yourself up to whatever happens. There is nothing that compares to it. There are elements in your pre-motherhood life that resemble elements in motherhood, but the whole package? It's a brand new experience and entity. Motherhood.

Cut to 2 hours later....

I'm sitting at the river, trying to steal a still moment. 
Who am I stealing from? Shouldn't I actually own it? Why steal?
I am holding my favorite coffee and a shameful tabloid. Haven't touched a magazine in months, let alone a book (even baby books!). Mindless pages can be a good start. Restart my skill of flipping through pages, ANY pages. No page flipping for this mama, only exhausting smart phone pages. Everything is exhausting, but right at this moment, wearing my magical sleeping baby, while sipping hazelnut and gulping the Hudson with brain-clearing colorful pages, something makes my exhaustion just a little bit less exhausting.

And there it is....I found balance, or at least it's a good start.