New Year. New Room. New Sleep Era

I'm big on integrity, which might explain why I haven't blogged in how long? How could I possibly face you after committing to an immediate big move and not following through for...two whole months?

  

So we finally did it, and now I can look you in the eye. 

Lulu moved to her own room yesterday. We figured New Year's Eve would be the right time. Yes, it took us a long time and a lot of "Next week for SURE!". In our defense I will say that in the last two weeks we have had an added reason (or excuse) to push it off (what about the other month and a half, you might ask). 

You see, Lulu started sleeping through the night, which meant WE started sleeping at last. It was a long process that took dedication, endless love, hard work and... one single moment of discovering sleeping on her belly. A word on that: I think the United States is only place where belly sleeping isn't encouraged until babies get there on their own, but we followed the "rules" and waited, even though we knew it would be the best comfortable position (we also had proof - numerous peaceful supervised naps). My mom actually demanded that I apologize to Lulu for not letting her get to belly sleeping sooner...

I digress. Belly sleeping was our game changer and we became apprehensive about messing with this delicious taste of relief. Who knows how Lulu will take the move? I became anxious, creating scenarios of returning to sleepless nights, insomnia and other fun stuff. I started telling myself that I needed only one more night of uninterrupted sleep before we took the plunge...one more...two more...three more. 

Instead I should have focused on Lulu's tremendous future upgrade. Unmatched accommodations and amenities: No more shaky Pack n' Play! She was going to move to a room of her own, free of tiptoeing whispering parents who still managed to wake her up while trying hard not to. Her new bed was much bigger, which means more space to explore. Her mattress was the real deal, not to mention the plush organic mattress pad and sheet. The works! We personally would be very pleased to sleep in this crib if we could fit in it.

Upgrade. The works.

Cut to 12.31.2013

Morning nap approaching. As we go through our nap ritual (rituals work so well with babies!), my heart is missing a beat or two. Not only was I naturally expecting major resistance, I was also deeply pondering the meaning of this next step. Separate rooms. Separate rooms. It means so many things. So many...

I do dig the new digs. Better than Ima and Aba's for sure. Better colors too.

I put Lulu in her shiny new crib while her Aba was filming the historical event (yes, we're dorks). I showed her where I had placed her pacifiers as I always do and left the room. Within the next 5 minutes I went in 3 times, probably for 10 seconds each. Each time Lulu cried simply because she couldn't find the pacifiers (it is a bigger bed after all), not because she wasn't happy with the sleeping arrangement.  She actually seemed very comfortable and fell asleep on her own. Goog and I looked at each other in disbelief. That's it. She's sleeping. Done. History.

Serenity Now!

I will admit that drops of anxiety managed to creep in as the evening approached. That's what counts. Night sleep. What if...What if. Well...what a waste of anxiety. Our incredible baby fell asleep as soon as we said Lyla Tov and had the best night's sleep into the new year!!! Unbelievable! Which reminds me....Another historical occasion is the fact that it was the first New Year's Eve I can remember being asleep before midnight. Party girl is now a mama and isn't able to stay awake to celebrate the new year. How did this happen?! We put up a fight but lasted only till 11. Ok, 10:50...Ok, 10:45. Ok, we didn't really put up a fight....we just went to bed as soon as we were done with our midnight toast (midnight in Buenos Aires). Surprisingly I was able to fall asleep easily. After all, we've had Lulu in our room since she was born, 8.5 months ago, and I anticipated difficulty. But all I got was a little pinch in my heart looking over the deserted Pack n' Play, about 60 seconds of staring into the monitor, watching Lulu sleeping like a champion and one very long & strong hug which smelled a lot like a combination of "We finally did it, yay!" and "Our little girl left the nest, oy!". And that was it. Smooth entry into 2014. Glorious sleep. I'm proud to say well deserved.

Wishing you all a glorious year! Happy New Year!

I like it here! Happy New Year!!!

Sleep? No? More?

Do all parents know prior to childbirth where their baby will sleep and for how long? We were proud to have a clear idea actually. The plan was to keep Lulu in a Pack n' Play in our room until two-three months old. Why? We assumed we would want her to sleep with us until we were all ready to move her to her own room. Of course, I didn't understand the word "ready" prior to becoming a mama. How do we know she's ready? And the even more complex question- How do we know WE are ready?...Once again, who knew that we would be the hindering cause....Before Lulu was born, I personally insisted that Goog and I take ownership of our private couple space as soon as possible- the minute our baby showed signs of "ready."

Needless to say, yours truly hadn't defined "ready". It became the vague idea of two to three months. There had been no doubt in my mind that three months would be the latest she would move to her cute purple personal space. Tricky assumption. It's quite clear by now that Lulu's sleep is easily interrupted by coughs, sneezes, our footsteps, her mama's smell and a lot more. Anything that comes from US. Outside noise? Forget about it! She's immune! Garbage trucks, sirens, our noisy heater/AC unit that randomly roars throughout the night, fireworks (!!), you name it. Fresh example: We're at a cafe right now (Bwe- best coffee, inspiring space, personal favorite), and Lulu is sleeping so peacefully through loud music, ear-piercing espresso machine, door opening and closing, noisy chatter...But late at night we still have to whisper to each other under the covers (don't get me wrong, it's enchantingly romantic, but sometimes it's hard to breathe in our dreamy tent). 

So deep into her six month birthday, Lulu is still in her Pack n' Play, sharing sleeping space with her parents. Who is not ready? Lulu or her parents?...

Since her three month birthday, we've been telling each other periodically that Lulu undoubtedly still needed us right by her at night, but the excuse is not working anymore, since we seem to interrupt her sleep even when we try so hard not to move in bed...

It's us... Deep inside we know it's us. And now we know it's time... We can't wait to reclaim ownership of our couple space, we can't wait to proudly step into our bedroom at night rather than sneak in, we can't wait to not think twice before getting up to pee at night. We can't wait for everyone to sleep (Granted we quickly transition out of staring at the monitor all night, which I have a feeling will happen)!!! And yet, we are still pondering the meaning of "ready"...Just one more night....or...week? Of course we keep telling ourselves that Lulu is the one who is not ready.

Do we give ourselves a clear deadline? We currently have a vague "within the week". The time has come!.....Any day now...

For some reason, I can imagine us still whispering under the covers, holding our coughs and sneezes and of course avoiding the "loud blanket" for a least a week following Lulu's moving out. Moving out...First time our baby moves out. I hear that you blink and then they are off to college... Ok, I'll stop now. Hormonal breastfeeding mama alert ;-)

Exhibit A: Temporary Storage Space

On Prunes and Other Friends

 

"Mmmm, prunes. What a delicacy. I'll take more!"
                  

Yours truly here, operating on no sleep. Never thought I'd be blogging about poop, but since we started solids, our Lulu hasn't managed to have a BM. Yes, it did cross my mind to just keep her exclusively on breast milk forever. Yes, I know it's ridiculous. Still, night after night this week we had to soothe a screaming baby whose system was having a hard time adjusting to sweet potatoes and avocado. Last night was the peak. Lulu could hardly stay asleep because of her backed-up stomach. At the same time, I felt like my heart was clogged by screaming needles. My body was also not the happiest camper. My spine was threatening to go on strike after picking up and putting down hundreds of times. My chest and arms turned clinically depressed for not being able to take away my baby's pain and discomfort. 

Which brings me to...I can't wait till she can speak. I want to know exactly how she feels. Exactly. I need to relieve the pain, any pain. It's a need, a sweeping, primal need. I can't control it and I don't wish to control it, but it's definitely another new thing motherhood introduced me to. I mean, I have intensely and desperately wanted to alleviate pain of loved ones before Lulu. With Lulu it's a physical need that flows through my body like an angry ocean. 

Until she can speak, I use my mama instincts, which I sharpen every day. Who knows, by the time she speaks with words, I might not even need words. I would just effortlessly read her. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to read Lulu's cry- hungry, tired, overstimulated, etc. But I am still challenged when it comes to pain and discomfort. We've just completed an episode of a first cold, segueing into glamorous teething, which kept us up at night (that's the thing with Lulu. She's always in good spirits during the day, no matter what. But at night, her sleep is disrupted so easily), and now this....Stomach. New food. It actually started out so cheerfully. Sweet potato was a big hit and even avocado. We've been having so much fun making food mess. Unfortunately, it's biting us in the ass, literally!

So this morning we bought organic prunes and the perfect puree was served. Lulu adored it and refused to stop eating. Again, fun times. It's 5 PM and NOTHING. Nighttime is approaching with its big, scary steps, threatening to bestow upon us more pain and tears. Prunes, please please work!

Addendum:
At 6 PM we purchased what we heard is called Magic. Suppositories (Oh, my... Hope Lulu will forgive me for sharing the intricacies of BMs and beyond...). It's not medication, which we try to avoid. It's guaranteed to work quickly and bring Lulu her good night's sleep. We'll take it! We'll take it now! 

My built-in need to take away the pain is met within 30 minutes. 
Joy to the world. WHAT a relief!  

GOOD Night!

Welcome to Motherhood: Who Am I? Is Liat Coming Back?

I planned on waiting till I get a few nights of good old uninterrupted sleep to produce my first Mama post, but Lulu (stage name) is almost 6 months old, and even though my sleep deprivation is affecting me in ways I don't care to admit, my blog is demanding to be born...

I never thought it would take me so long to start writing again, or to start doing anything again (sleeping?...) for that matter. I never thought a lot of things before I became a mother.  But here I am, asking myself, When I will start doing ALL of the old things again, and when I do, will it instantly feel like the old me is back?

So I'm writing...Hello World. This is supposed to be what people call a Mommy Blog. Old Liat used to blog, so a Mommy Blog makes sense, especially since I have so much to say...I do. But you see, the words don't flow out of me the way they used to, and my writing style is rather elusive in my scattered brain. Welcome to Mommy Brain. You thought you had it when you were pregnant, but you're in for a treat that tastes like shit. My warm advice is to learn how to laugh at it. Otherwise, it will destroy you...

I notice this is not even my writing style. Or any writing style. Mommy Blog. Focus. Someone told me to just start writing and write every day, anything. Just write. But just like that? My severe case of mommy brain does not give me the luxury of trusting that my words will be appealing to anyone. See what I mean? This last sentence....time to open Syntax for Dummies?

Just...please don't leave yet, okay?...It's my first time. My clear thoughts and ideas will have to start challenging my dusty brain very soon, reminding it who it used to be. I've been trying to figure out who I am, who I have become, and whether time will bring the old Liat back. Yes, it's that extreme. And I'm not resisting. I'm consumed by my Motherhood, but all I really did was just open myself up to this incredible new world. Have I gone too far? Is it time to seek balance? 

I'm not a big fan of cliches but bear with me here - NO ONE can prepare you for motherhood. It's a new territory on so many levels, you might as well open yourself up to whatever happens. There is nothing that compares to it. There are elements in your pre-motherhood life that resemble elements in motherhood, but the whole package? It's a brand new experience and entity. Motherhood.

Cut to 2 hours later....

I'm sitting at the river, trying to steal a still moment. 
Who am I stealing from? Shouldn't I actually own it? Why steal?
I am holding my favorite coffee and a shameful tabloid. Haven't touched a magazine in months, let alone a book (even baby books!). Mindless pages can be a good start. Restart my skill of flipping through pages, ANY pages. No page flipping for this mama, only exhausting smart phone pages. Everything is exhausting, but right at this moment, wearing my magical sleeping baby, while sipping hazelnut and gulping the Hudson with brain-clearing colorful pages, something makes my exhaustion just a little bit less exhausting.

And there it is....I found balance, or at least it's a good start.